By: Davida Brown So today is my husband’s birthday. I love celebrating him and the fact that he’s seen another year on this earth. I love celebrating all the milestones he’s achieved. I love hearing about all the things he’s looking forward to in the next year. I love hearing about his dreams for himself. I love hearing and talking about all the possibilities for him. As I reflect on our conversations, I can’t help but think about the possibilities for our marriage. When we were dating and early in our marriage, we spent hours talking about our future and our dreams. We talked about what we wanted for ourselves, what we wanted for us. I loved those conversations, because they reflected such an optimistic view of our future. They made me feel like no dream for us was too big. They made me feel like we could get through anything together because we believed in us and that there would always be an us. I suspect most of you reading this post once felt the same. Oh those possibilities. But, alas, time moves on and those possibilities seem to vanish into thin air. All the stuff you have to do every day takes front and center. All the baggage from stuff you’ve been through with your spouse and have not let go stay in the mix. Possibilities? Many of you are trying to survive marriage, to get through the here and now. Possibilities? They’re off the table. But what…
By Davida Brown There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything. Yes there are 1440 minutes in every day, but I swear they’re all taken with things that HAVE to get done. We’re not rich. We can’t hire help. My husband and I are doing every thing we can to stay above water and get the basic needs of our family met. We want a “date night” and all the “quality time” other couples talk about, but there’s just no time. Is this you? Are you struggling with fitting in quality, one-on-one time with your spouse because of everything else you have going on? Don’t fret. You are not alone. I certainly get it. I too have lots on my plate. I’m a wife, I’m a practicing, full-time attorney, I have 2 kids under five, I’m a marriage coach, I have daily house chores and I’m writing my fourth book. With everything going on, it’s a challenge to find time every day, and I mean “quality” time every day for my husband. Here’s what I did. A Practical Daily Routine –You’ve probably heard a million times that creating a daily routine with your spouse will ensure you have quality time together and remain connected. That’s all well and good when you have time, but what if you don’t have any? I was in that boat. So instead of carving out time, I incorporated our quality time into activities that I already have to do. Every day, my…
Communication in marriage is like blood to the body, essential. Learning your communication style and how to effectively communicate with your spouse is a must for a marriage to work, thrive and last a lifetime. Here's a great article on how the lack of communication can break a marriage and what you can do about it. Communication Breakdown and the Great Marital Divide: How Communication, or Lack Thereof, Can Make or Break a Marriage Communication, in my humble opinion, is the backbone of a marriage. This is the foundation, along with love, of course, that supports every other aspect of a marriage, from emotional intimacy, to physical intimacy and to loving in a real and genuine way. This does not mean merely talking. As we all know, we can talk AT our spouses and not necessarily to our spouses. We need to really listen to what our spouses are telling us. As a therapist, I have seen time and time again that the bulk of marital issues find their genesis in communication breakdown. The solution to many marital issues is both complex and simple; it is learning the skill of communication. We hear our spouse every day, but do we listen? What else is the focus of your attention? So many of us hear words coming out of our spouses’ mouths, but we are watching TV, we are creating a shopping list in our heads, or we are worrying about the children, the bills or our jobs. Sure, all of…
By: Brie Gowen My eyes fell again this morning on the package obviously displayed on the kitchen counter. To me it seemed to stick out like a sore thumb, and I remembered what I had felt when I first saw it last night, sitting there forgotten. I had been perturbed, honestly, and I wondered how it had gotten left behind. The girls had attended a birthday party while I was away at work, and in my absence my spouse had been responsible for getting them to the affair. Yet somehow he had missed taking the birthday girl her package I had painstakingly purchased and prepared. What am I going to do with my husband?! I laid out perfect party dresses complete with matching hair bows and shoes, but when I received a picture of my precious toddler my first thought was where is her cute, pink bow?! So really, what was I to do about my husband?! What was I to do about a man who still left his dirty socks shoved up under my couch, or who thought a pony tale was the go-to hairstyle for little girls on Sunday? What was I to do about a man who left hairs in the sink after shaving, and forgot to set his alarm to make it to church on time? Well, I did the only thing I knew to do. I looked past the forgotten gift bag on the counter, and my eyes found my sleeping man. He was passed…
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