By: Davida Brown No matter how connected we are to our spouse, we all experience conversation lulls in our marriage. Some may last a day or two, others weeks. Is this a sign that bad times are around the bend? Not necessarily. Let’s face it, sometimes you go through periods when you don’t feel like talking, or, at a particular point in time, you just don’t have anything “worth” sharing. If you are currently experiencing this in your marriage, don’t be alarmed. Every couple goes through it. If however you find that you more often than not have nothing to say to your spouse, that the conversation is often forced, that you really don’t care to converse with him or her, action is required to get things back on track. Conversation is a key part of communication, and a consistent lack thereof will adversely impact your marriage over time. If this is you, don’t fret. There are things you can do to restart the conversation. I generally put couples in one of the two following categories: We talk a lot, but not about us. Many couples don’t even realize that there’s a lack of critical conversation in their marriage because they are communicating on lots of things that don’t directly impact the marital connection. Critical conversation here means conversations that feed your marriage. My husband and I sometimes fall into this category. We have three kids under ten and a significant amount of our conversations is about the kids: homework,…
By: Abigale Hassel Marriage can be difficult even under the best of circumstances. When you have two whole, adult individuals, with their own opinions, morals, ethics and beliefs, there will always be times in which disagreements happen. You may struggle to find common ground. Your opinions may differ in areas of finances, parenting, or even in what activities you enjoy. Once a crisis occurs, it can throw even the strongest of marriages off kilter. Crises such as illness, death of a loved one, financial problems, child issues, miscarriages, mental illness, just to name a few, can test a couple’s individual and collective fortitude. Here are some suggestions to help you and your spouse remain a support to one another when you both need it the most. 1) Lean on and defer to each other’s strengths: The two of you are different and that is ok. Just be honest with yourself and each other about your strengths and those of your spouse. For example, in my marriage, I am the more emotional one. My husband has a tremendous ability to stay calm in difficult situations, whereas I tend to become very emotional. When we have gone through difficulties, I leaned on him and looked to him to make initial decisions, because I have found that in an acute emotional state, I have difficulty focusing. I accept that about myself and so does my husband. If one of you is better at remaining calm than the other, do not judge or criticize.…
By: Davida Brown After the big day, and let’s be honest several months thereafter, everything is new and fresh. Even if you’re like us, and dated years before marriage, there’s something about the act of getting married that makes you want to start anew. You want to give it your all, 100+ percent. Yes, you know your spouse inside and out, flaws and all, but after those I do's you’re ready for a clean slate. You both want to put your best foot forward. Well after a few months – years for some – you and the love of your life settle into a routine. By this time, you’ve likely established concrete roles in your household and you both expect the other to do his/her share consistently. That’s all a part of marriage. Additionally, if you’re being honest, you expect your spouse to go a bit beyond the norm, at least every so often, right? I mean that’s what he or she did before the BIG DAY. That, at a minimum, should be expected in marriage. I agree wholeheartedly. Marriage is really a journey together during this wonderful thing we call “life.” It’s full of all these twists and turns and yes expectations. And I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with it. That said, even if it’s perfectly okay to expect your spouse to do his/her share, to put in those extra touches every now and again, it’s not perfectly okay to never recognize it. I thought hard about…
By: Abigale Hassel Your spouse cheated. Your world is now upside down. You’re feeling so many things, and perhaps above all, you feel betrayed. So now, what do you do? I felt compelled to write this blog post as a follow up to, “8 Rules to Help Your Spouse Heal From Infidelity.” With this post, I want to speak directly to all of you who were betrayed by your spouse’s infidelity. Recovering from infidelity is challenging enough and even more so when you’re surrounded by negativity. As I read the comments to my previous article, I was struck by the negativity. Some examples included, “People who cheat do not love their spouse.” Or “once a cheater, always a cheater” or “if they loved their spouse in the first place, they would not have cheated.” I am here to tell you the above statements are not necessarily true! The focus of this post is not to explain all of the possible reasons someone commits adultery. That is for another discussion. My sole purpose is to encourage those of you who were betrayed and who have decided to stay and fight for your marriage. Negative comments such as those stated above can undoubtedly make you feel numerous things. One thing we all need to understand is this. People are not all good or all bad. These qualities can exist simultaneously. Therefore, by extension, people can both love their spouse and cheat, mainly because cheating is not about love or a lack thereof,…
Page 6 of 17