Pride, Don't Let It Ruin Your Marriage

By Abigale Hassell


This post is dedicated to an awesome client of mine; I will call her Jill. Jill is funny, she is smart, she is beautiful, inside and out, but she struggles with something that is contributing to her relationship issues. Pride has become a big stumbling block for her. Listen, pride is not one of the 7 deadly sins for nothing! In Jill’s case, it causes her to put up the anger shield. When her boyfriend is not fighting fairly, she reacts in kind. She almost always feels regret afterwards, but, in the heat of the moment, she instinctively puts up the anger shield rather than allowing herself to be vulnerable. Jill and I have talked about being the change she would like to see in the relationship and leading by example, because she has learned that she cannot control anyone other than herself. 

Jill is not the only one who struggles with pride. We all have at one time or another. The problem is that things rarely get resolved when we allow our pride to inhibit us from behaving in a way we know is most appropriate. The only way we can work through issues is to learn how to fight fairly. You can refer to my earlier post for details on how to fight fairly: http://yesmarriagerocks.com/mrocks/blog/item/175-5-basic-rules-for-fighting-fairly

I know it is not easy and we cannot possibly fight “correctly” every time, but let me point out what happens when pride gets in the way of good communication. Pride motivates us to protect ourselves from perceived attacks, disrespect or slights from others. We think we are protecting ourselves from getting hurt, looking like a fool, or feeling that we have been taken advantage of; however, we are not only not protecting ourselves, we are actually hurting both ourselves and the relationship. 

When we let pride take over, we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation. We get stuck in a cycle of anger and resentment and we rarely resolve the issue. Furthermore, I guarantee that if you deal with your partner in a prideful way, you will not see a change in the behavior that caused you to put the shield up in the first place. In order to see your partner own his or her behavior, you must first create a safe atmosphere for them to do so. Believe me, if you come at your partner in a prideful way, you will most likely make him or her feel attacked, then he or she will either attack back or retreat. Either way, nothing is accomplished or you both walk away feeling resentful. All you have at that point is your pride and pride does not keep you warm at night, does it?

I am in no way suggesting that you do not hold your partner accountable for bad behavior. Quite the contrary! However, you must do it in a way that does not make your partner feel attacked or criticized. Also, you must remember that timing is everything. By controlling your reactions in the heat of the moment, you are not being weak. You are being smart. Why would you try and a tackle a major issue when things are heated? At a later time, when things are calm, you address the issue calmly with your partner. Remember, you are not each other's competition or adversary. It comes down to this. You either keep your pride or you have peace in your relationship, but you cannot have both, most of the time. So which is it, pride or peace? You decide. God bless.


 
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Abigale Hassel

Abigale S. Hassel is a licensed Clinical Social Worker, and individual and couples counselor. MSW, LCSW, OSW-C.

**The advice provided represents the opinions of the author.  It is not to be considered therapy or professional advice of any kind.  If you require such advice, you should consult an appropriate professional.  Refer to the Marriage Rocks Website Terms and Conditions (link in page footer) for other applicable terms and conditions.**

Website: embracingthenow.com

27 comments

  • MONJAZHEL Comment Link
    MONJAZHEL
    Wednesday, 06 May 2020
    Hi Selina



    i am Montoya Jazhel from the philiphines ,i was in a big problem in my marital life so i read your testimony on how Dr Ikhide help you get your husband back and i said i will give it a try and i contacted the Dr Ikhide to help me and he promised to help me get my problem solved. now am so happy with my life because all my problems are over. Thanks to the great Dr Ikhide for the help and Thanks to you Selina.

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    Kumusta Selina



    ako si Montoya Jazhel mula sa pilipinas, ako ay nasa malaking problema sa aking buhay sa pag-aasawa kaya nabasa ko ang iyong patotoo sa kung paano tulungan si Dr Ikhide na maibalik ang iyong asawa at sinabi kong susubukan ko ito at makipag-ugnay sa Dr Ikhide upang matulungan ako at nangako siyang tulungan ako na malulutas ang aking problema. ngayon masaya ako sa aking buhay dahil ang lahat ng aking mga problema ay tapos na. Salamat sa mahusay na Dr Ikhide para sa tulong at Salamat sa iyo Selina.

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  • Alicia Leonard Comment Link
    Alicia Leonard
    Tuesday, 03 March 2020
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  • Alicia Leonard Comment Link
    Alicia Leonard
    Tuesday, 03 March 2020
    Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

    Good day everybody, My names are Alicia Leonard i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below 
    Email: Urgentspellcast@yahoo.com or Urgentspellcast@gmail.com  
    Website: https://urgentspellcast.wordpress.com/  and   http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/ 
    Blog: https://drraypower.blogspot.com/  
    Call/WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109.
  • Alicia Leonard Comment Link
    Alicia Leonard
    Tuesday, 03 March 2020
    Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

    Good day everybody, My names are Alicia Leonard i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below 
    Email: Urgentspellcast@yahoo.com or Urgentspellcast@gmail.com  
    Website: https://urgentspellcast.wordpress.com/  and   http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/ 
    Blog: https://drraypower.blogspot.com/  
    Call/WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109
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    JEFFERY LERMAN
    Tuesday, 25 February 2020
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  • JEFFERY LERMAN Comment Link
    JEFFERY LERMAN
    Tuesday, 25 February 2020
    Advice to save your marriage and get your Ex Boyfriend/girlfriend back ,contact assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com for Urgent effective love Spell to get ex lover back or save you marriage fast and his result is 100% guarantee.
    My name is Jeffery Lerman.. i want to give thanks to Dr.Larry for bringing back my ex Wife. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my WIfe didn’t seem to care. and She broke up with me again. I was confuse and do not no what to do again, rather than to get in contact with Dr.Larry . He did a love spell that make my Wife come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. Dr.Larry make her to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good. he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my Wife back! It was like a miracle! She suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well, in our love life.  
    View on youtube https://youtu.be/ginVXzh2Q78     Website: http://assurancesolutionhome.wordpress.com  Website     http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/  
    EMAIL: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com    CALL/WHATSAPP: +2348102316854     
  • JEFFERY LERMAN Comment Link
    JEFFERY LERMAN
    Tuesday, 25 February 2020
    Advice to save your marriage and get your Ex Boyfriend/girlfriend back ,contact assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com for Urgent effective love Spell to get ex lover back or save you marriage fast and his result is 100% guarantee.
    My name is Jeffery Lerman.. i want to give thanks to Dr.Larry for bringing back my ex Wife. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my WIfe didn’t seem to care. and She broke up with me again. I was confuse and do not no what to do again, rather than to get in contact with Dr.Larry . He did a love spell that make my Wife come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. Dr.Larry make her to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good. he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my Wife back! It was like a miracle! She suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well, in our love life.  
    View on youtube https://youtu.be/ginVXzh2Q78     Website: http://assurancesolutionhome.wordpress.com  Website     http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/  
    EMAIL: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com    CALL/WHATSAPP: +2348102316854     
  • JEFFERY LERMAN Comment Link
    JEFFERY LERMAN
    Tuesday, 25 February 2020
    Advice to save your marriage and get your Ex Boyfriend/girlfriend back ,contact assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com for Urgent effective love Spell to get ex lover back or save you marriage fast and his result is 100% guarantee.
    My name is Jeffery Lerman.. i want to give thanks to Dr.Larry for bringing back my ex Wife. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my WIfe didn’t seem to care. and She broke up with me again. I was confuse and do not no what to do again, rather than to get in contact with Dr.Larry . He did a love spell that make my Wife come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. Dr.Larry make her to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good. he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my Wife back! It was like a miracle! She suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well, in our love life.  
    View on youtube https://youtu.be/ginVXzh2Q78     Website: http://assurancesolutionhome.wordpress.com  Website     http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/  
    EMAIL: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com    CALL/WHATSAPP: +2348102316854     
  • JEFFERY LERMAN Comment Link
    JEFFERY LERMAN
    Tuesday, 25 February 2020
    Advice to save your marriage and get your Ex Boyfriend/girlfriend back ,contact assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com for Urgent effective love Spell to get ex lover back or save you marriage fast and his result is 100% guarantee.
    My name is Jeffery Lerman.. i want to give thanks to Dr.Larry for bringing back my ex Wife. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my WIfe didn’t seem to care. and She broke up with me again. I was confuse and do not no what to do again, rather than to get in contact with Dr.Larry . He did a love spell that make my Wife come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. Dr.Larry make her to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good. he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my Wife back! It was like a miracle! She suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well, in our love life.  
    View on youtube https://youtu.be/ginVXzh2Q78     Website: http://assurancesolutionhome.wordpress.com  Website     http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/  
    EMAIL: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com    CALL/WHATSAPP: +2348102316854     
  • JEFFERY LERMAN Comment Link
    JEFFERY LERMAN
    Tuesday, 25 February 2020
    Advice to save your marriage and get your Ex Boyfriend/girlfriend back ,contact assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com for Urgent effective love Spell to get ex lover back or save you marriage fast and his result is 100% guarantee.
    My name is Jeffery Lerman.. i want to give thanks to Dr.Larry for bringing back my ex Wife. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my WIfe didn’t seem to care. and She broke up with me again. I was confuse and do not no what to do again, rather than to get in contact with Dr.Larry . He did a love spell that make my Wife come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. Dr.Larry make her to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good. he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my Wife back! It was like a miracle! She suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well, in our love life.  
    View on youtube https://youtu.be/ginVXzh2Q78     Website: http://assurancesolutionhome.wordpress.com  Website     http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/  
    EMAIL: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com    CALL/WHATSAPP: +2348102316854     
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