Submission in Marriage. What Does it Really Mean?

By:  Abigale Hassel 

As a modern woman and wife, I have struggled with the concept of submitting to my husband. As a young wife, I had an attitude of independence. I made it clear to my husband that he did not “own me” and I commanded respect. The funny thing was, he always respected me. I never needed to command that. As I matured, as I grew in my faith and as my husband and I worked through some relationship issues over the years, I realized I needed an attitude adjustment. It was time for me to learn how to submit and surrender to my husband. I am not going to lie; I had difficulty. Truth be told, my husband still has difficulty with the concept, because he never thought of me as anything other than an equal. Moreover, there were times he looked to me to be the problem solver and to take the lead in certain situations. He never wanted to be the “head of the household”. He wanted the king and queen of the castle to have equal power, and we do. So now let us look at what submission means.

What submission is:

The Bible has much to say about submitting, both throughout the old and the new testaments. I am referencing the Bible simply to give a foundation of support for the concept of submitting and surrendering, which I will use interchangeably, within the marital relationship. I believe that even if you are not Jewish or Christian, you will still find value in this discussion, so I hope you continue reading. I hope that I will also show how submitting can therapeutically heal a marriage.

In the Old Testament, we are shown how to have a relationship with God and part of that relationship requires us to submit and surrender to His will for us. We trust and believe that He loves us and wants what is best for us. According to Friedman of Chabad.org, the day God gave the Ten Commandments to Moses at Mount Sinai was symbolic of a wedding day. It was a covenant made between God and His people. God instructed Moses to give these commandments to the people of Israel. He instructed us to have no other god, to honor His day of rest and keep it holy and so on. He also gave us free will, to choose whether we would submit or not. I do not know about all of you, but for me, inside His will is where I want to be and things have a way of working out when I am. When I resist and act too human, that is when things tend to go awry. That dynamic plays out in the couples I counsel. They fight against each other instead of accepting and working with each other’s roles and strengths. The Lord is committed to our wellbeing; He feels a responsibility to us, yet he allows us to choose whether or not we will surrender to Him. This is a very loving relationship. This is the type of relationship we should enjoy with our spouses.

Rebbetzin Twerski, from www.aish.com, says that with surrender, come both intimacy and responsibility. In Genesis 4:1, it says that “Adam knew his wife.” That knowing was not just a superficial understanding of his mate, but a deep spiritual connection. All throughout the Torah (the first 5 books of the Bible), the marriage relationship is the focal point of the home. Husbands and wives are to put each other first, yes, even before the children. This is punctuated in Genesis 2:24 where it says that man is to leave his father and mother to be with his wife and they are to be one flesh. The marital relationship is the foundation on which the family is built. This relationship is strengthened with intimacy that is achieved through respect, love and surrender. We can only surrender when we feel love and respected by our spouse.

What submission is not:

Before I continue speaking about what submission in a marriage is, please allow me to explain what submission is not. This is extremely important, because a lot of good people erroneously apply this concept to their marriage and that can have terrible consequences. Submission is not abuse. Let me stress that you never have to stay in an abusive situation. That is not what God intended. Remember, the marital relationship is a mutually satisfying union in which each spouse has different, yet equally important roles. Spouses are to put each other first and have loving concern to meet each other’s needs. The one who has the authority is not to abuse that authority or lord it over the other. In short, love should never hurt! Submission is not the absence of responsibility; quite the contrary! Each spouse has a responsibility. Both contribute to the household decisions and both have a responsibility to make the other feel valued. Finally, submission is not yielding one’s personal power or self-worth. While it is true that both spouses need to let go of ego and self-centeredness, neither must let go of his or her sense of self or his or her sense of morality. Each can have an opinion, but the surrender comes not by giving up completely, but it comes from true love and concern for the other’s well-being, from a desire to maintain peace and harmony, in a spiritual sense, within the relationship, and it comes from the desire to honor one’s spouse.

What submission looks like:

Now that we understand what submission is and what it is not, let us now examine how wives should submit to their husbands and what responsibility husbands have to their wives. Let us look to the New Testament for some instruction and examples. Again, those of you who are not Christian may still find this valuable, or at least, interesting. In the book of Ephesians, the Apostle Paul gives examples of relationships in which submission is necessary. He basically says that one submits to another the way one would submit to God. He uses the marital relationship as an illustration of our relationship to God. He says in Ephesians 5:22, “wives submit to your husbands.” Again, he goes on to say that they are to do this as they submit to God. Submission is a loving act that tells the husband that he is trusted, respected and loved. We really could not submit if these elements were not in place. Just as I trust in God, just as I know He loves and cares for me and wants me to have joy, so does my husband. I trust him with my life. I know he respects me. I know he appreciates my contributions to our family. I know he would never take advantage of my love; therefore, I have learned to submit to him. Ultimately, I know he will never put himself or his desires before me, so submitting is my gift to him and a symbol of my trust in him.

Husbands have a big job. They are the head of the household. Do not misunderstand what this authority means. Husbands are to emulate God in this role. Let us go back to God and Moses for a second. Friedman explains that God “came down” from the mountain to meet the people. Although He was the ultimate authority, He made Himself vulnerable for His people, He presented His commandments and He sincerely hoped that the people would submit to Him, because He loved them and wanted what was best for them. He wanted them to trust Him. He showed us an example of humility in authority. Husbands, your position does not enable you to take advantage of your wives. Your authority, according to Miller, from www.todayschristianwoman.com, is meant to be used to serve your wives. Paul said in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives just as Messiah loved the Messianic community and gave himself up on its behalf”. He wants you to lovingly serve and protect your wives and sacrifice so that she always has what she needs. In many respects, your task is much more challenging.

Benefits of submission:

Hopefully by now you are seeing the benefits of submission and/or surrender in a marriage. It is a loving act by wives to their husbands. It is a choice. As I have said in other posts, men need to feel respected in a relationship. When their wives submit to them, instead of resisting or challenging them, it shows a tremendous amount of respect. Women, on the other hand, primarily need to feel loved. When husbands choose to essentially lay down their lives daily for their wives to meet their needs, wives feel safe, secure and loved. Submission brings the type of intimacy into a marriage that both spouses desire. It is a spiritual and emotional bonding that reinforces the two are of one flesh. Submission frees both spouses from having to be right, from having to win, and from engaging in power struggles. It is mutual, in that, both spouses have responsibilities as one submits to the other. Both spouses benefit from this. Burdens are lifted when both spouses know their roles, their different yet equal roles. Submission is a practical way to ensure harmony in the home. Although the concept of submission is not something we readily see in today’s culture, it does not mean that it is outdated or irrelevant (Miller).

This was a lot to digest and I understand that for some of you, the concept of submission is a difficult one. You may not even be buying into it, but I have shown you all the myriad benefits submission provides. If we look at the divorce rate, which is about 50%, we can see that without a deeper understanding of what marriage entails, marriage is too easily devalued. Remember, marriage is not just a contract; it is a covenant. It is a spiritual and emotional promise that two will be forever joined. Perhaps it is time for society to start looking to ancient ideas of marriage so that marriage is considered to be a sacred union as it was intended to be. So wives, are you ready to submit to your husbands? That is the question. Good luck and God bless!

 

 

References:

Friedman, M. (retrieved 2015, Dec. 8). Surrender and Responsibility: Virtues Essential to an Intimate Relationship. Retrieved from www.chabad.org.

 

Miller, K. A. (2008, Sept.). What’s So Scary About Submission? Retrieved from www.todayschristianwoman.com.

 

Twerski, F. (retrieved 2015, Dec. 8). A Jewish Wife: Practical Advice on what it Takes to Build a Jewish Home. Retrieved from www.aish.com

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Abigale Hassel

Abigale S. Hassel is a licensed Clinical Social Worker, and individual and couples counselor. MSW, LCSW, OSW-C.

**The advice provided represents the opinions of the author.  It is not to be considered therapy or professional advice of any kind.  If you require such advice, you should consult an appropriate professional.  Refer to the Marriage Rocks Website Terms and Conditions (link in page footer) for other applicable terms and conditions.**

Website: embracingthenow.com

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    Vedic and Tantrik Rituals to make things happen, Property, Enemy, Jealousy, etc… confident and private, call Get Solution immediately. Email dradospiritualsolutions@gmail.com or on my whatsapp +27728933309 or website:https://dradospiritualsolutions.com
  • charming abby Comment Link
    charming abby
    Thursday, 08 July 2021
    LOVE SPELL CASTER ONLINE +19085174108
    I am one of those people who said, “I’ll never call a psychic or a magician or whatever” to help me with my problems – least of all my love problems, but I reached the point where I knew I needed some guidance, and I’m so glad I found this man called Dr Jumba. When I nearly lost David in one of our stupid, fights (he broke up with me), I thought I had lost everything. I cried all day and thought that he would never come back to me again. I read so much testimony about Dr Jumba love spell ,how he helped to bring back an ex lover .I quickly emailed him and helped get back my husband with his power, he didn’t take advantage of me because I was hurt and needed help by all means . Dr Jumba you are the best, you performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this spell works, but all I know is, IT WORKS PERFECTLY!! My husband and I are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to you Dr Jumba. email him for any kind of help. He is capable and reliable to help you solve any problem. wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com , wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +19085174108 . Website : https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
  • Elisa Keily Comment Link
    Elisa Keily
    Wednesday, 07 July 2021
    REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE  

    Hello everyone, my name is Elisa Keily I am so overwhelmed with joy all thanks to Dr Raypower spell. my husband left me for another woman few years back and I was very devastated cause I never did anything wrong to him, I was left with my two kid and a job that pays little.i was almost giving up until I saw a testimony online about Dr Raypower and I decided to contact him.i explained my problem to him and he assured me I'll see a positive result after 24hurs, surprisingly my husband came back the day after the spell begging me to forgive him and promised to never leave. My husband has been back for 6 months now and we've never had any issues, am glad I didn't doubt Dr Raypower cause he sure can solve any problems with fast relief you can also contact him for help now

    Email: Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or Urgentspellcast@yahoo.com

    Website: https://urgentspellcast.wordpress.com/ 

    WhatsApp: +14243308109
  • jasmine robert Comment Link
    jasmine robert
    Monday, 05 July 2021
    Thank you Dr Jumba for your genuine spells. This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Before I came in contact with Dr Jumba, I have tried every possible means that I could to get my husband back, but I actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and my husband had developed a lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope of reuniting with my husband until my friend told me about dr jumba and she gave me dr jumba website i googled it and read good reviews about Dr Jumba work , I decided to give it a try and I did everything that he instructed me and I trusted in him and followed his instructions just as he had guaranteed me in 24 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me and ask for forgiveness that he his on his way to my house .. We are good more than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much for your authentic and indisputable spells. Thank you Dr Jumba for your help. If you need help in your marriage or broken relationship, contact Dr Jumba right now for urgent help Email: wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com OR wiccalovelovespelltools@yahoo.com View his website https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com/ Call/WhatsApp him: +19085174108
  • Simon Patchin Comment Link
    Simon Patchin
    Saturday, 12 June 2021
    How To Get Your Ex Lover/Partner/Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Wife Or Husband Back

    It breaks my heart to know that people are hurting so badly that they are desperate to get their love lives back. For anyone hurting right now, I want you to worry no more for your Ex lover/partner will come back to you so you can feel whole again and I truly mean that. When my wife left me, Lord Zakuza was the man I contacted that helped me to get my wife back with his powerful spell within 48 hours and I can never forget the day I meant Lord Zakuza for he's spells perform GREAT MIRACLES. Get in touch with Lord Zakuza now for he's like a God on earth that can get your EX lover back within 48 hours with his powerful spell. You can go get in touch with him through the below details.


    WhatsApp/call/text: +1 740 573 9483
    Website via: lordzakuzaspells.com
    Email via: Lordzakuza7 @ gmail. com
  • Karl Arnold Stefan Comment Link
    Karl Arnold Stefan
    Thursday, 03 June 2021
    Hi, I've been searching for help on how to get my ex lover back that broke up with me 2 years ago.. I was traumatized by the break up and nearly wanted to commit suicide but I thank God that I got the contact of LORD ZAKUZA the spiritual father that helped me to get back my ex lover after much searching of help from different places. When I got in touch with LORD ZAKUZA, I explained everything to him to he gave me his words of encouragement and told me that he was going to prepare a spell for me that will help me get back my ex lover within 48 hours and I believed in his words for I was referred to him by a friend who he helped and right now, my ex lover is back and we are living happily together to get married next month. If you need any assistance whatsoever like getting cured from sickness, getting pregnant E.T.C. Then, I suggest that you get in touch with LORD ZAKUZA now through his WhatsApp him on + 1 (740) 573–9483 or Email: lordzakuza7@gmail.com I'm forever grateful to you.
  • novak dj Comment Link
    novak dj
    Wednesday, 26 May 2021
    Am here to testify what this great spell caster done for me. i never believe in spell casting, until when i was was tempted to try it. i and my wife have been having a lot of problem living together, she will always not make me happy because she have fallen in love with another man outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that my wife leave this woman but the more i talk to her the more she makes me fell sad, so my marriage is now leading to divorce because she no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided to contact this spell caster to see if things can work out between me and my wife again. this spell caster who was a man told me that my wife is really under a great spell that she have been charm by some magic, so he told me that he was going to make all things normal back. he did the spell on my wife and after 5 days my wife changed completely she even apologize with the way she treated me that she was not her self, i really thank this man his name is Dr ose he have bring back my wife back to me i want you all to contact him who are having any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem he will solve it for you. his email is oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com  he is a man and his  great. wish you good time.
    He cast spells for different purposes like
    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dream
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) You want to be rich.
    (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) HIV/AIDS CURE
    (10) is the only answer to that your problem of winning the lottery

    Contact him today on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +2348136482342.  https://www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220/  
  • Alicia Leonard Comment Link
    Alicia Leonard
    Tuesday, 03 March 2020
    Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

    Good day everybody, My names are Alicia Leonard i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below 
    Email: Urgentspellcast@yahoo.com or Urgentspellcast@gmail.com  
    Website: https://urgentspellcast.wordpress.com/  and   http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/ 
    Blog: https://drraypower.blogspot.com/  
    Call/WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109
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