×

Error

JUser: :_load: Unable to load user with ID: 1953

JUser: :_load: Unable to load user with ID: 1947

JUser: :_load: Unable to load user with ID: 1887

JUser: :_load: Unable to load user with ID: 1830

Oh How Men and Women Are Different; Let Us Count the Ways

By:  Abigale Hassel   

I need to start this discussion with a couple of disclaimers. Firstly, feminists may not want to read any further, because I will be reinforcing the notion that men and women are in fact different and some may consider this to be politically incorrect. I am far from PC. Consider yourself warned.  Secondly, there are always exceptions to the rules. Men can have more feminine traits, while women can have more masculine traits. The purpose of this discussion is to help married couples understand one another more. Having said that, let us now look at the many ways men and women are different.

1) We think differently.  I once read the perfect description of how the minds of men and women operate. Bill and Pam Farrel wrote that men think in boxes, while women think like a plate of spaghetti. That basically means that men tend to compartmentalize. They put things in figurative boxes and think about one thing at a time. Sometimes, they file the box away and avoid thinking about certain things. This can account for how our husbands sometimes forget things that seem easy enough to remember.

Women, on the other hand, think like a plate of spaghetti. Think about that for a second. A plate of spaghetti consists of many, many noodles overlapping. Sometimes, one noodle may not be distinguishable from another. It is a pile of jumbled mess. In other words, we women think about several things all at once. We do not compartmentalize very well. We tend to remember much more than our husbands do. We multitask better than our husbands do and we are reluctant to just file away our thoughts, like our husbands can do at times.

How this can affect your relationship: Men, when you compartmentalize, it can make your wives feel as if they are “out of sight, out of mind.” If they do not feel that you are thinking about them, it can make them feel unloved, forgotten or dismissed. Knowing this, you can make extra effort to let them know that you are thinking about them and the things that are important to them. Take a minute and send an “I love you text”. Give a quick phone call to let them know you are thinking of them. Pay attention to what your wives are saying and let her know that what she has to say is important to you. Women, thinking about everything all at once can be exhausting and anxiety provoking. Just because something seems important to you at a particular time does not mean that your husband is thinking about it. If he is not, it does not mean that he does not care. It simply means his mind was occupied by something else. Remember, he thinks about things one issue at a time. What you are thinking about may be in another box in his mind. Just communicate with him and he will pull the proper box.

2) We express our emotions differently. In spite of popular opinion, men do have emotions. They simply manifest differently in men than they do in women. My husband and I are a perfect example of this. True to form, I am very emotional, while my husband is, well, not. Do not get me wrong. When things are good, he is a loving, attentive and affectionate husband. When things are not so good, his inner Spock comes out. He is all logic and he is very calm. That can be a very good thing, especially when I am so upset and can barely think straight, but it can also be a source of difficulty for us. I have recognized this trait to be a defense mechanism for my husband. He simply must allow logic to kick in so he does not fall apart and so he can be my rock when I need a stabile force; however, it can also inhibit him from really dealing with some tough emotions and it has made me feel alone at times. If I am the only one in pain, it can feel very isolating. It can also be frustrating, because, sometimes, I just do not know what he is feeling and I just hate that!

I, on the other hand, am very emotional. My husband never has to guess what I am feeling. I am basically an open book. I am passionate, expressive and open. That can be good, because my husband knows how loved he is by me. He delights in watching me pursue the things about which I am passionate. I amuse him with my humor and I make him feel secure with my nurturing ways. However, my emotionality can be very intimidating. My anger can be very overwhelming to him.-When I am upset, it can render him paralyzed. Sometimes, my emotions can be so strong, I may not even seem rational to him. As you can imagine, this has gotten in the way of our communication in the past. We have been together for a long time and we have done a lot of hard work together. Now that we know each other so well, we have learned how to compensate for our differences and work with them, rather than against them.

How this can affect your relationship: If these types of differences resonate with you, please keep this in mind. Ladies, just because you are not immediately seeing emotion from your husband, that does not mean he is not feeling any. You need to pay attention, because his emotions manifest differently for them. Rather than making assumptions or trying to read your husbands’ minds, ask him what he is feeling. Be patient if he struggles to identify his feelings. Men tend to struggle with the more vulnerable emotions, such as fear, sadness or shame. Often, anger is a shield for those more vulnerable emotions. There is always something under anger, so you may try to help him identify those feelings. Men, remember this and practice this often: VALIDATE YOUR WIVES’ FEELINGS. Whatever you do, do NOT dismiss their feelings. You may not agree with or understand why your wives are feeling what they are feeling, but her feelings are not wrong. Allow her to feel what she feels and ask her to help you understand why she feels the way she feels. A little understanding and validation goes a long way for us women.

3) We have different needs. The things that motivate men and women can be very different. I always tell the couples I counsel that in their relationships, men need to feel respected and women need to feel loved. In my infidelity recovery work with couples, and this is just my observations, I see that men have affairs to build their egos, while women have affairs because they want to feel loved. Men are socialized to be the strong providers for their families. They want to know that their hard work and sacrifices are noticed and appreciated by their mates. They feel pride when they are able to provide for their families’ needs. Conversely, they feel emasculated if they believe they have failed in any way.

Women need to feel loved, appreciated and respected too, but love is our number one need. No matter how difficult things get, no matter what stresses from life are thrown our way, if we feel loved by our husbands, we can conquer anything. The happiness we feel from being loved fuels us and helps us to face everything from financial hardship to drama with the children, and more. Conversely, if we do not feel loved, no matter how great the rest of our lives are, we feel a sadness that simply does not allow us to fully enjoy the blessings in our lives. The feeling of not being loved by our husbands becomes a shadow cast over everything and sends us into a state of despair.

How this can affect your relationship: Remember what I said previously about how we express emotions. If a man does not feel respected by his wife, he may start to feel like he has failed somehow. His pride in himself is diminished. He starts to feel shame and may become depressed. He has difficulty with these vulnerable emotions, so his feelings manifest as pure anger and resentment. Although he may not be happy with himself, he projects this onto his wife and then starts to resent her. This leads to poor communication, a rift in the relationship and, sadly, it can leave him vulnerable to infidelity. If a woman does not feel loved, she feels lonely within her relationship. This loneliness turns to sadness, emptiness and despair. She starts to question her self worth and her self-esteem takes a big hit. This can cause resentment, which can lead to her feeling distant from her husband. She too can be vulnerable to infidelity if she feels all of the above. Ladies and gentleman, you must love, honor and cherish your partners. You must make every effort to speak their love language. I highly recommend The 5 Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman (www.5lovelanguages.com). Learn your own and each other’s love languages and speak them!

4) We have different roles. Another disclaimer: the following may not be considered politically correct by some. There are some things men cannot do that women can and there are things women cannot do that men can. Yes, we are different. We have different strengths, we have different gifts and we are built differently. More than that, we each fill different needs and different purposes. This is not something to be fought, to complain about or to resist; this is something to be embraced and celebrated.

In my marriage, my husband and I have settled into our roles. We have learned to accept and even celebrate each other’s strength and we have learned to work around and support each other in our weaknesses. I do the cooking, because, quite frankly, my husband would burn water! He does the mowing of the lawn, because I am highly allergic to fresh cut grass. One whiff, and my face looks like Rocky after a fight. Plus, I really hate yard work! You and your spouse need to figure out your roles and work with each other’s strengths, and support each other in your weaknesses.

How this can affect your relationship: Roles can be a tricky thing, especially if one or both partners feel as if they are not succeeding in their roles. For example, men tend to be the breadwinners in the relationship. If they are not financially successful, they may feel inadequate and that can lead to depression. Depression in men often presents as anger. Remember, they have difficulty expressing the vulnerable emotions. Women are typically the caregivers. If they feel they are not doing well with raising the children, their self-esteem can be negatively affected. Their sense of self-worth may suffer. When women feel inadequate, it can adversely affect her expression of affection. These are just examples to illustrate how the roles we fill can affect how we see ourselves. It is ok to ask your spouse for help and it is essential for spouses to offer words of encouragement. Remember, you are a team.

God created men and women differently for a reason. Marriage is so sacred. When a man and a woman come together as one flesh, it is a representation of who God is. The man represents the authority part of God. He is the provider. The woman represents the life giving part of God. She is the nurturer and giver of life. If you think of it in these terms, is not that a beautiful concept? Our roles are not more important than our spouses’. They are different, but equally important. Our differences are not something to fear or resist. Once we understand these differences, our assumptions and the ways we interact can change. We can have more patience for our spouses, more empathy and more love for them. Remember, different does not mean unequal. Enjoy each other! God bless.

Abigale Hassel

Abigale S. Hassel is a licensed Clinical Social Worker, and individual and couples counselor. MSW, LCSW, OSW-C.

**The advice provided represents the opinions of the author.  It is not to be considered therapy or professional advice of any kind.  If you require such advice, you should consult an appropriate professional.  Refer to the Marriage Rocks Website Terms and Conditions (link in page footer) for other applicable terms and conditions.**

Website: embracingthenow.com

9 comments

  • Alicia Leonard Comment Link
    Alicia Leonard
    Tuesday, 03 March 2020
    Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

    Good day everybody, My names are Alicia Leonard i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below 
    Email: Urgentspellcast@yahoo.com or Urgentspellcast@gmail.com  
    Website: https://urgentspellcast.wordpress.com/  and   http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/ 
    Blog: https://drraypower.blogspot.com/  
    Call/WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109
  • Kelvin Comment Link
    Kelvin
    Friday, 24 January 2020
    This is a testimony about the good work of a man who helped me make my marriage work again. My wife just suddenly hate sex we tried all method non work it became so bad that she had to move out with the kids 12 years and 3 months of marriage. I had to seek for help outside the box, On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for solution I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster called Dr.Wealthy Some people testified that he brought their Ex back, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce. Etc. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called Maria Jose from Atlanta, USA who testified about how Dr.Wealthy brought back her husband in less than 72 hours that got me intrigue. After reading all these,I decided to give Dr.Wealthy a try I contacted him and explained my problem to him. In just 6 days, my wife did not only came back to me but she now love sex and she is no longer scared of it. Dr.Wealthy is really a gifted man and i will not stop talking about him because he is a wonderful man. If you have any problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you Dr.Wealthy is the answer to your problem.

    Here’s his contact.. wealthylovespell@gmail.com or +2348105150446.
  • Olivia Hannah Comment Link
    Olivia Hannah
    Wednesday, 08 January 2020
    Hi everyone I'm Olivia Hannah and am here to share the wonderful work Dr Raypower did for me. After 5 years in marriage with my husband with 2 kids, my husband started acting weird and going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called Dr. Raypower who help people with relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a love spell and within 48hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via email: Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or Urgentspellcast@yahoo.com or Call or WhatsApp: +14243308109. 

    Read more about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/
  • sonia garry Comment Link
    sonia garry
    Tuesday, 10 September 2019
    EFFECTIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER AND LOTTERY SPELL 2019 GBOJIESPIRITUALTEMPLE@GMAIL. COM OR WHATSAPP HIM :+2349066410185

    Hi i am from USA I have just experience the wonders of Dr. gbojie love spell, that have been spread on the internet and worldwide, How he marvelously helped people all over the world to restored back their marriage life and get back lost lovers, and also help to win lottery. I contacted him after going through so many testimonies from different people how he help to bring back ex lover back, i told him about my husband that abandoned me about 8 months ago, and left home with all i had.. Dr GBOJIE only told me to smile and have a rest of mind he will handle all in just 24 hours, After the second day my husband called me, i was just so shocked, i pick the call and couldn't believe my ears, he was really begging me to forgive him and making promises on phone.. He came back home and also got me a new car just for him to proof his love for me. i was so happy and called Dr Gbojie and thanked him, he only told me to share the good news all over the world .. Well if you need an effective and real spell caster contact Dr gbojie Via email: gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com, gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com or Call or WhatsApp: +2349066410185
    website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me/
  • Kathleen Decker Comment Link
    Kathleen Decker
    Friday, 26 July 2019
    I want to use this opportunity to share the good works of Dr. Odunga who brought my husband back to me from another woman in 2 days. His email is odungaspelltemple@gmail.com and his WhatsApp contact is +2348167159012.

    The day my husband left me, things appeared bleak, and the atmosphere was heavy with uncertainties. Everything seemed pale and so I decided to look for help in spell casters who have the capability to bring my ex husband back to me. As envisaged, I went on the internet and as you too have seen in your search for a reliable spell caster, I saw a lot of testimonies of spell casters in the recovery of ex husbands and loved ones. Driven by belief in Doctor Odunga, I contacted him and after explaining things to him, he accepted to face the challenges on ground. He did brilliantly well. My ex husband came back to me within 2 days of contact with more care and affection and promised never to leave me. I will therefore like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to him and share this testimony to enable others in need to contact him for his selfless service to situations and problems. Commendable, he shows great courage at taking on the daunting task of finding solutions to practically any given problem. Contact him at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com and I believe he won't fail you too.
  • Edner Silver Comment Link
    Edner Silver
    Tuesday, 11 September 2018
    Now I know how it feels to be cheated on or be in a relationship with a cheater.this was so sad after I Contacted (hackinloop6 @ g m a i l . c o m) to help me hack my husband’s phone because I want a know his activities and see who he chat with.. All this was because I was suspecting him and in less than 4hrs( hackingloop6 @ g m a i l c o m) was able to hack his phone and gave me access to all his phone activities.. It was sad to discover that he has been cheating on me with my cousin sister, so all u need to do to know the truth about your relationship is to contact a cyber genius (hackinloo6 @ g m a i l . c o m)you can call or text +1(712)292-2655. he shows proof before payment.
  • Folla Li Comment Link
    Folla Li
    Wednesday, 14 March 2018
    I just want to share my experience and testimony here. i was married for 7 years to my wife and all of a sudden another man came into the picture and my wife started changing. but i still loved her with all my heart and wanted her at all cost. then she filed for divorce, my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do. she moved out of the house and abandoned the kids. a friend told me about trying spiritual means to get my wife back and introduced me to Dr Nkosi Website: http://www.fastsolutiontemple.com who helped to restore her broken marriage. so i decided to try it reluctantly. although i didn’t believe in all those things, then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my wife came back and was pleading for forgiveness that she realized her mistakes. i just cann’t believe it. anyways we are back together now and we are happy. in case anyone needs help, his WhatsApp:+27820502562 or email: fastsolutiontemples26@gmail.com
  • marry Comment Link
    marry
    Saturday, 07 January 2017
    With 100% assurance contact (hacksecrete@gmail.com) ( whatsapp +15134385731)
    for any type of hacking, he is a professional hacker that specializes
    in exposing cheating spouse,and every other hacking related issues. he
    is a cyber guru , he helps catch cheating spouse by hacking their
    communications like call,ATM card, Bank account,money increase in Bank account, Facebook, text, emails, Skype,wifi and many
    more. i have used this service before and he did a very good job, he
    gave me every proof i needed to know that my fiancee was cheating. You
    can contact him on his email ( hacksecrete@gmail.com) ( whatsapp +15134385731)
    to help you catch your cheating spouse, or for any other hacking ,ATM card, Bank account,money increase in Bank account,
    related problems, like hacking websites, bank statement, grades and many
    more. he will definitely help you, he has helped a lot of people,
    contact him and figure out your relationship status i wish you best of luck (hacksecrete@gmail.com) ( whatsapp +15134385731) ( Text--+16174022260)
  • marry Comment Link
    marry
    Saturday, 07 January 2017
    With 100% assurance contact (hacksecrete@gmail.com) ( whatsapp +15134385731)
    for any type of hacking, he is a professional hacker that specializes
    in exposing cheating spouse,and every other hacking related issues. he
    is a cyber guru , he helps catch cheating spouse by hacking their
    communications like call,ATM card, Bank account,money increase in Bank account, Facebook, text, emails, Skype,wifi and many
    more. i have used this service before and he did a very good job, he
    gave me every proof i needed to know that my fiancee was cheating. You
    can contact him on his email ( hacksecrete@gmail.com) ( whatsapp +15134385731)
    to help you catch your cheating spouse, or for any other hacking ,ATM card, Bank account,money increase in Bank account,
    related problems, like hacking websites, bank statement, grades and many
    more. he will definitely help you, he has helped a lot of people,
    contact him and figure out your relationship status i wish you best of luck (hacksecrete@gmail.com) ( whatsapp +15134385731) ( Text--+16174022260)
Login to post comments