By: Davida Brown
So today is my husband’s birthday. I love celebrating him and the fact that he’s seen another year on this earth. I love celebrating all the milestones he’s achieved. I love hearing about all the things he’s looking forward to in the next year. I love hearing about his dreams for himself. I love hearing and talking about all the possibilities for him.
As I reflect on our conversations, I can’t help but think about the possibilities for our marriage. When we were dating and early in our marriage, we spent hours talking about our future and our dreams. We talked about what we wanted for ourselves, what we wanted for us. I loved those conversations, because they reflected such an optimistic view of our future. They made me feel like no dream for us was too big. They made me feel like we could get through anything together because we believed in us and that there would always be an us. I suspect most of you reading this post once felt the same. Oh those possibilities.
But, alas, time moves on and those possibilities seem to vanish into thin air. All the stuff you have to do every day takes front and center. All the baggage from stuff you’ve been through with your spouse and have not let go stay in the mix. Possibilities? Many of you are trying to survive marriage, to get through the here and now. Possibilities? They’re off the table.
But what if you had the capacity to hold on to the possibilities? What if the possibilities that somehow seemed within reach when you dreamt them, wished them, believed them are in fact possible. What if you grabbed your spouse by the hand, looked him or her in the eye, and said, “Remember when we said we wanted [X], we’d do [Y], we’d be [Z]. We can do it.” What if?
The thing is, you control the destiny of your marriage. You can be the couple you always dreamed you’d be. You can do all the things you want to do as a couple. The right mindset, identification of the goal, a plan of action to implement it, team work, accountability – isn’t that all that’s required to attain those possibilities? No? What if you added in forgiveness, meaning you made a decision to forgive your spouse and open your heart again to your spouse? What if you worked on releasing any hurt, anger or bitterness you hold against him or her? Still no? What if you made the decision to trust your spouse, to give him or her the benefit of the doubt, to believe in your spouse again? What if?
All those possibilities for you and your spouse are still there. All those possibilities you want for your marriage are attainable. The question is, do you and your spouse still want them? Because if you do, you can attain them. So, what are you waiting for? Every day is a new opportunity to move your marriage forward. Need help? Get it. Then, go after those possibilities, together.