By: Davida Brown Every marriage is cyclical. There are times when all the stars are in alignment. You and your spouse are in total sync. Everything you want for yourself and each other seems to happen with ease.The “for better” part of marriage is so very sweet. But at some point, the tide changes. The sunny days of your marriage become a bit overcast. And at some point, it will seem as if you’re in a downward spiral. Nothing goes your way, you and your spouse are at each other’s throat, or life throws a huge monkey wrench into your life. Yep, that’s the “for worse.” Roughly 6-months ago, we learned that my husband has cancer. Needless to say, we were in total shock. My husband is the healthiest person I know. How could he get cancer. Well, he did and once we educated ourselves on his particular type of cancer, we understood that his healthy diet and lifestyle was irrelevant. Armed with knowledge, a very attentive medical team, and the Great I Am, we began to fight the disease together. The diagnosis, however, was just the beginning of our “for worse.” His surgery and intense chemotherapy has sapped the life out of him. The happy-go-lucky days we shared are no more. It takes every bit of his energy to get out of bed each day and live life. His decreased presence has impacted our marriage enormously. Not only do we spend less time together -- his fatigue requires that…
By: Davida Brown A Nothing Box? Are you serious? That can’t be real, right? Wives, for many of our husbands it is. A few weeks ago my husband and I were headed to one of the marriage retreats we attend annually. At one point during the drive, my husband began starring out of the window. After about 15 minutes of silence, I asked him what he was thinking about. He responded, “absolutely nothing.” Now full disclosure here, I didn’t believe him. How could he possibly stare out of the window for 15 minutes and think about nothing. Impossible. I didn’t push though. Clearly something was on his mind and he wasn’t ready to share. I actually started to get a bit ticked because we were on our way to a marriage retreat, so this was the perfect opportunity for him to share and communicate with me. I mean that’s what we as coaches often share with our clients. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I knew something was on his mind and the fact that he didn’t want to share it with me was upsetting. But, I let it go. This however would be on my list of topics for us to discuss in the future. Fast forward, we’re attending a seminar at the retreat and the presenter, Mark Gungor, starts talking about the “Nothing Box.” Now I’ve heard and I know that many men have the ability to checkout at times. But a “Nothing Box”, that seemed a bit extreme. Well the…
By Davida Brown For many couples, marriage is a scary thing. These couples typically have a good, maybe even great relationship, and fear that “marriage” will ruin everything. They want to be together, forever, but are somehow convinced that those “I dos” will sound the death knell for their relationship. So what do these couples do? I’m currently providing premarital coaching to a couple grappling with this very issue. They love each other tremendously. They’ve been together 5+ years and have experienced tremendous highs and lows during the relationship. They’ve both been married before, and were both raised in a home with separated and ultimately divorced parents. Both want the relationship and marriage to last and thrive and are committed to doing just that. Both are ready to take the plunge and get married, but admit that, because of their previous marriages and observations of their parents’ marriages, they fear that marriage may ruin their “good thing.” For this couple, their past exposure to marriage has obviously had a significant impact on how they view it. During our sessions, we’ve spent a great deal of time talking about perception and mindset. Because they both believe that “marriage” is more likely than not to negatively impact their relationship, they’ve created and enabled a barrier that may prevent them from getting married or reaching their full potential once married. The good news here is that mindset and perception can change. We control our views on marriage. We control the success and yes…
By Abigale Hassell This post is dedicated to an awesome client of mine; I will call her Jill. Jill is funny, she is smart, she is beautiful, inside and out, but she struggles with something that is contributing to her relationship issues. Pride has become a big stumbling block for her. Listen, pride is not one of the 7 deadly sins for nothing! In Jill’s case, it causes her to put up the anger shield. When her boyfriend is not fighting fairly, she reacts in kind. She almost always feels regret afterwards, but, in the heat of the moment, she instinctively puts up the anger shield rather than allowing herself to be vulnerable. Jill and I have talked about being the change she would like to see in the relationship and leading by example, because she has learned that she cannot control anyone other than herself. Jill is not the only one who struggles with pride. We all have at one time or another. The problem is that things rarely get resolved when we allow our pride to inhibit us from behaving in a way we know is most appropriate. The only way we can work through issues is to learn how to fight fairly. You can refer to my earlier post for details on how to fight fairly: http://yesmarriagerocks.com/mrocks/blog/item/175-5-basic-rules-for-fighting-fairly I know it is not easy and we cannot possibly fight “correctly” every time, but let me point out what happens when pride gets in the way of good communication.…
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