Play your Position

Vida Brown
By: Davida Grant Brown If your marriage is anything like mine, you and your spouse have divvied the household and parenting responsibilities. And on most days, this allocation works. In fact, not only does it work, it keeps your household and marriage on track. But on those every once in a while days, it doesn’t. Despite your commitment to your assigned tasks, you don’t feel like doing it or perhaps even worse, you don’t think you should have to. You want your spouse to handle it for once. FOR ONCE! Recently, I had one of “those” days. In our house, I am responsible for meal preparation and cooking, washing dishes, clearing the table, packing leftovers, making/packing the kids’ lunch, washing/folding the kids’ clothes, bathing the kids, reviewing homework for accuracy and completion, and reading bedtime stories. On top of that, as a wife, I tend to my husband’s emotional and physical needs. And on top of that, I have coaching sessions in the evening, and/or have to finish up business-related commitments before I call it a night. Now, I don’t expect a lick of sympathy. I enjoy being busy and willingly took on these responsibilities. Admittedly, I often pat myself on the back, because I can generally handle these responsibilities with relative ease, except when I can’t. A few weeks ago, I nearly “lost” it. I’d had an extremely difficult, labor-intensive day at the office. I was running late to what I’ve affectionately dubbed “my second job”, so I was…
By: Davida Brown Happy New Year!!! It’s a brand new year. The possibilities are endless. If you’re like me, a new year means new beginnings, a fresh start. All the things you did not achieve last year are now front and center and you’re optimistic that this will be the year you’ll see them realized. Moving my marriage forward is always on my list. Every year, I vow to do better, to be a better spouse. For me that means I need to be more supportive and more available to my husband. I need to be more patient, giving him the time and latitude to get things done instead of stepping in and taking care of it. I need to listen more, be intimate more, spend more quality time. I could go on and on. And you know what, I embrace all of it. See I know I’m not perfect. I’m a work in progress individually and as one-half of my union. There will ALWAYS be areas for improvement. Understanding and embracing it with a willingness to take steps to be better will always translate into moving my marriage forward. “Be the Light” was the message my pastor preached for New Year’s Eve service. Matthew 5:13-16 compels Christians to not only be the salt of the earth, but to be the light of the world. As my pastor explained the concept, he kept repeating the phrase, “darkness flees from light”. This really resonated with me, as I never really thought…
By: Davida Brown Every marriage is cyclical. There are times when all the stars are in alignment. You and your spouse are in total sync. Everything you want for yourself and each other seems to happen with ease. The “for better” part of marriage is so very sweet. But at some point, the tide changes. The sunny days of your marriage become a bit overcast. And at some point, it will seem as if you’re in a downward spiral. Nothing goes your way, you and your spouse are at each other’s throat, or life throws a huge monkey wrench into your life. Yep, that’s the “for worse.” Roughly 6-months ago, we learned that my husband has cancer. Needless to say, we were in total shock. My husband is the healthiest person I know. How could he get cancer. Well, he did and once we educated ourselves on his particular type of cancer, we understood that his healthy diet and lifestyle were irrelevant. Armed with knowledge, a very attentive medical team, and the Great I Am, we began to fight the disease together. The diagnosis, however, was just the beginning of our “for worse.” His surgery and intense chemotherapy has sapped the life out of him. The happy-go-lucky days we shared are no more. It takes every bit of his energy to get out of bed each day and live life. His decreased presence has impacted our marriage enormously. Not only do we spend less time together -- his fatigue requires…
By: Davida Brown A Nothing Box? Are you serious? That can’t be real, right? Wives, for many of our husbands it is. A few weeks ago my husband and I were headed to one of the marriage retreats we attend annually. At one point during the drive, my husband began starring out of the window. After about 15 minutes of silence, I asked him what he was thinking about. He responded, “absolutely nothing.” Now full disclosure here, I didn’t believe him. How could he possibly stare out of the window for 15 minutes and think about nothing. Impossible. I didn’t push though. Clearly something was on his mind and he wasn’t ready to share. I actually started to get a bit ticked because we were on our way to a marriage retreat, so this was the perfect opportunity for him to share and communicate with me. I mean that’s what we as coaches often share with our clients. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I knew something was on his mind and the fact that he didn’t want to share it with me was upsetting. But, I let it go. This however would be on my list of topics for us to discuss in the future. Fast forward, we’re attending a seminar at the retreat and the presenter, Mark Gungor, starts talking about the “Nothing Box.” Now I’ve heard and I know that many men have the ability to checkout at times. But a “Nothing Box”, that seemed a bit extreme. Well the…
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