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His Repeated Infidelity Has Hardened My Heart. What Do I Do?

QuestionI've been married for almost 18 yrs. I can't say that I am happily married because ever since we said "I do" we've had problems. My husband has flings with different women and on my part it's so hard and painfull to handle his womanizer attitude and his being an alcoholic. We're living in one roof but our relationship is not like that of a married happy couple. My husband is with me but his heart and mind is with his mistresses. He doesn't treat me as his wife. He doesn't love us, my kids and me. Sometimes I feel depressed. With this kind of relationship with my husband, my love for him has changed to hatred. I hate him so much. How can I love the man who gave so much pain and suffering to my heart. Please help me.

Answer:  I am so sorry that you are dealing with this difficult situation. I cannot tell you what to do, but I will say a few things that will hopefully help you make a decision for yourself. One thing I always tell people is that you cannot make anyone do, say or feel anything. All you can do is take responsibility for your own feelings and behaviors.  Your husband sounds like he has an addiction and his behavior is not due to anything you did wrong or anything about you at all. He has deep seeded issues that he seems unwilling to address.

I admire and support people who want to stay and fight for their marriage, especially when children are involved; however, one person cannot save a marriage alone. If your husband is not willing to deal with his addiction and work on the marriage through intensive marriage counseling, I am afraid that little will change.  This is a website that you may find helpful http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp .  I point you to number 11, the concept of the 180. It is time for you to stop focusing on your husband and start living your life. Start building yourself up so that you feel strong and independent.  That may include going to individual counseling, getting a job, or going to school.

I know this is hard and I know your heart's desire is for your marriage to be healed, but if your husband does not feel the same, then all you can do is work on you. Finally, I tell people that the best gift you can give your children is a happy marriage, but if that is not possible, you may need to examine whether your marriage is actually hurting the children. Staying together in a toxic relationship may be more detrimental to the children in the long run. I wish you the best. God bless.

Abigale Hassel

Abigale S. Hassel is a licensed Clinical Social Worker, and individual and couples counselor. MSW, LCSW, OSW-C.

**The advice provided represents the opinions of the author.  It is not to be considered therapy or professional advice of any kind.  If you require such advice, you should consult an appropriate professional.  Refer to the Marriage Rocks Website Terms and Conditions (link in page footer) for other applicable terms and conditions.**

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  • Alma Theresa Comment Link
    Alma Theresa
    Saturday, 17 October 2020
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  • Alicia Leonard Comment Link
    Alicia Leonard
    Tuesday, 03 March 2020
    Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

    Good day everybody, My names are Alicia Leonard i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below 
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  • Cicilia Comment Link
    Cicilia
    Saturday, 05 October 2019
    Sadly, i’m 2 weeks from the final court date for the end of my 15 year marriage. It’s been about 4 years of an emotional destruction-derby. The bottom-line line is the apostate state my husband decided to inhabit. With no god there is no healing when there is an affair and deception. At least I know I have both biblical reasons for divorce but how do i tell that to my 2 teenage kids who just wanted a whole family.i have been a victim of both emotional and physical cheat,but the truth was able to come to light after i seek for counseling and service of a professional hacker.I never knew that the man i trusted so much with my love and care has been cheating on me,all thanks to ''hackingloop6 @ g m a i l . com'' for their investigative and hacking service that helped me gain access to all my husband's phone activities remotely,it hurts to know that the one you trusted could be cheating on you, cheating sucks.
  • ED Pacino Comment Link
    ED Pacino
    Sunday, 28 April 2019
    I have suffered a lot when it come to relationships and even when I was married,that is why I want to give thanks to Papa Egbe for bringing back my husband.I was the world’s biggest skeptic.I never believed in magic spells,but I was told by a very close friend that Papa Egbe is gifted with spiritual powers,My love life was in shamble,my husband didn’t seem to care or love me and break up our relationship.I was confuse and do not no what to do again,rather then to get in contact with Papa Egbe.He did a love spell that make my husband come back to me.we are now very much happy with our self.Papa Egbe make him to realize how much we love and need each other. contact Papa Egbe on papaegbeherbalhome @ gmail . com or via WhatsApp +[234]8134959928.Papa Egbe brought happiness to my home.
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    Saturday, 07 January 2017
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